Some people love their automated teller machine for the way it sexily dispenses twenty-dollar bills. Others love their favorite ATM because it’s always there for them 24/7. Lonnie J. Hutton loved his in a way that can only be described as unnatural … and illegal.

Patrons at The Boro Bar & Grille in Murfreesboro, Tennessee, were enjoying their TGIF drinks at around 9:30 on a Friday night when Lonnie J. Hutton walked in and headed to the ATM. Instead of pulling out his debit card, he pulled out his … Murfreesboro police officer Michael Rickard explains.

Mr. Hutton entered the bar and walked to the ATM. Once at the ATM, Mr. Hutton pulled down his pants and underwear exposing his genitals, Mr. Hutton then attempted to have sexual intercourse with the ATM.

That seems impossible, although it was probably dark in the bar and hard to see if there was any size similarity between Hutton’s genitals and his debit card. There must have been a problem with the ATM because Hutton, not knowing any good pickup lines, left his pants off as he walked around the bar thrusting his pelvis towards anyone still looking.

Apparently this isn’t the first time an ATM has been violated in this manner.

Staff at the bar stopped Hutton before he could introduce himself to the jukebox and led him outside, where he decided to show his beloved ATM what happens when he doesn’t get satisfied by dropping his drawers again and cheating on it with a wooden (of course) picnic table.

Officer Michael Rickard arrived on the scene and reported that Hutton appeared to be intoxicated and smelled of alcohol. And, by this time, twenty-dollar bills and spilled ketchup. He was taken to the Rutherford County Adult Detention Center where he was charged with public intoxication.

No charges have yet been filed by either the ATM or the picnic table.

Sex with a picnic table? And they call US nutty!