Here’s a story that I know a lot of men out there will relate to. As a pretty typical guy, one of the last places in the world I want to be at in December is the mall. In fact, I’d probably prefer to spend my time in a North Korean prison than Macy’s department store anytime after mid-November. 38-year-old Tao Hsiao, would agree with me. That is, if he were still alive.

On Dec 7th, after 5 hours of his girlfriend’s incessant shopping, Tao had enough. He desperately wanted to leave the Shopping Center in Xuzhou, China and was desperately insisting that they leave. The girlfriend wasn’t happy about it and insisted that they check out yet another shoe store. Tao was growing increasingly frustrated and the couple was heard arguing loudly by fellow shoppers.

“He told her she already had enough shoes, more shoes than she could wear in a lifetime and it was pointless buying any more,” an eyewitness said. “She started shouting at him accusing him of being a skinflint and of spoiling Christmas, it was a really heated argument.”

Now I’m not exactly sure what a “skinflint” is, but I’m pretty sure it’s not a term of endearment. In any case, that was enough for Tao, who decided that if he couldn’t leave the mall then maybe he’s just leave the planet.

In a rage, The man threw the shopping bags he’d been carrying down and took a leaping dive off the seventh floor railing, diving to his certain death in the promenade below. On the way down he crashed through holiday decorations meant to make your shopping experience festive and fun. When paramedics got there, it was too late.

Death by Shopping

A mall spokesperson was quick to release a statement.

“His body was removed fairly quickly. He actually landed on one of the stalls below and then fell to the floor so although the store was damaged it meant he didn’t hit anybody. This is a tragic incident, but this time of year can be very stressful for many people.”

Men Really Really Really Hate ShoppingI know there’s probably some cultural discrepancies, but I’m not sure why the spokesperson had to make the point that the body was removed quickly, other than to reassure shoppers that a dead body wouldn’t disrupt their holiday shopping experience. Seems a little cold, but it’s probably a sign of the times and consumerist society we live in.

In any case, I hope my wife reads this article. She has enough shoes to last a lifetime!